i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Will exercising make me less horny?
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