i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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