I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
