Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
