I think I just saw someone hide a body.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
