I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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