So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
