turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
