my mouth tastes like poor choices
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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