you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
