Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
