i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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