btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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