There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
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She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
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Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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