hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
