Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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