My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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