Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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