DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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