Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
