Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
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$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
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Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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