Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize