My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
