yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
