Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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