...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize