i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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