Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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