I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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