What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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