I just pynch a tree in the face
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He is an equal opportunity slut.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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