wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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