I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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