the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize