3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
