I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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