So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
