I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
