You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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