Pants 0. Shit 1.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
