The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
