Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my being single is dangerous.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
