seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
