so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Randomize
