"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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