I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
