Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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