i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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