i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
