We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i think i just naturally attract stoners
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
