im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
