If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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