its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
