Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
