I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
