Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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