Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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