Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
