once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
