I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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