singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
50% drunk capacity currently
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
