Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
