people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
