He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
