If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
